It was written that I would love you

Eight years is a long time. This week, eight years ago, things changed forever as “We” became “I”. Losing a spouse or any loved one is life changing because you live in your memories. There is a huge cavity that looms all around you and it must be filled with something so you fill it with grief.

As with most of what I encounter, I found myself looking at grief in an analytical sense. It is profound sadness but not depression. The sadness is so deep that it will change the chemistry in the brain for a while.  It can become your new partner if you let it live and take root in the cavity. It is not so much a friend as a familiar companion…”Oh, there you are again”.    Over time it blends in to the background and you don’t pay much attention to it. Sometimes it goes away but sometimes it is there, standing in the corner or looking out from a crowd.

In my case it is mostly gone except it creeps back a little  during the last week of July. Something triggers it. You notice the calendar. You see a picture. You hear a song.

I was playing some music in the car and Paul McCartney’s “Calico Skies” came on. It is a simple song — he calls it “primitive”– but in it’s simplicity lies an empowering truthfulness.  There is some joy in it. The song was written during a hurricane imposed blackout in 1991– by candlelight and guitar. Written in 1991 but not released until 1997. Linda McCartney became ill in 1995 and died of cancer in 1998.

Calico Skies — by Paul McCartney

It was written that I would love you
From the moment I opened my eyes
And the morning when I first saw you
Gave me life under calico skies

I will hold you for as long as you like
I’ll hold you for the rest of my life

Always looking for ways to love you
Never failing to fight at your side
While the angels of love protect us
From the innermost secrets we hide

I’ll hold you for as long as you like
I’ll hold you for the rest of my life

Long live all of us crazy soldiers
Who were born under calico skies
May we never be called to handle
All the weapons of war we despise

I’ll hold you for as long as you like
I’ll hold you for the rest of my life
I’ll hold you for as long as you like
I’ll love you for the rest of my
For the rest of my life

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